Earlier this month, Encourage welcomed Rebecca Ryder, MA, NCC, LPCC-S, Managing Clinical Supervisor for Encompass East Counseling to present at our First Friday training for foster parents. Her topic for the evening, Myers-Briggs: Is It Me?, engaged parents on how our unique personalities impact our parenting styles. She shared such valuable information on connection and communication that we asked her to condense her talk into a blog post for all of you. We hope you enjoy it.
“I learned that not everyone thinks like me!”
This was one of the simple, yet profound comments made by a parent that recently attended a workshop to learn how personality types affect parenting and relationships.
Participants in this workshop completed a short inventory at www.16personalities.com to determine their personality type according to the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). This widely-used, reliable and valid assessment is one tool that is helpful in gaining self-awareness. Self-awareness is so important if we are pursuing our own healthy identity and relationships with others. Self-awareness is NOT being self-absorbed or declaring inflexibility by communicating “that’s just how I am.” Instead, it is the ability in real time to recognize the affect you have on others and monitor and regulate yourself accordingly. It can help you to be a better servant and improve relationships.
The MBTI identifies 16 different types which indicate how a person will most likely behave in a given situation. All of the types have equal value, and none are preferred over the other. When an assessment is completed, the person will be given a profile that marks their preference in 4 different categories. Participants were able to process how this information can help them be better parents as summarized below.
Introversion vs Extroversion
This category indicates your favorite world. Do you prefer to focus on the outer world or your own inner world?
Parents focused on how “I”s and “E”s can work together to provide what the same or opposite needs to restore their energy on a daily basis by processing the following questions:
• What drains you? Your spouse? Your kids?
• What do you/they find pleasure doing?
• What do you naturally need when you come home from work?
• How do you feel after taking kids to visits with bio-families?
• What can you do differently as a spouse or parent based on this insight?
Sensing vs I(N)tuition
This category indicates how one seeks information. Do you prefer to focus on basic information you take in or do you prefer to interpret and add meaning?
Parents were able to evaluate how they may need to modify the way they give directions, set rules or assist a child with their homework depending on their type. Imagine an “N” parent giving directions to an “S” child who needs and prefers to have concrete and step-by-step instructions. It was highlighted that an “N” is good at recognizing why a child is behaving a certain way while an “S” excels at coaching a child through a project or learning a new skill.
Thinking vs Feeling
This category indicates how one makes decisions. When making decisions, do you prefer to first look at logic and consistency or first look at the people and special circumstances?
Both types have value when a person is making decisions for themselves or others. We focused on making a best guess of which category each of our children fall into and then identifying what we could appreciate about them, especially the ones who are opposite of ourselves.
Judging vs Perceiving
This indicates a preference for structure. In dealing with the outside world, do you prefer to get things decided or do you prefer to stay open to new information and options?
Parents shared ideas about what would make good gifts or routines for “J”s and “P”s! For example, having bedtime rules/routines were important for all kids, but a “J” would likely appreciate it being very specific and exact every night while a “P” would prefer to be given the freedom to decide when and how to complete the routine within a given time frame.
Self-awareness can lead to other-awareness which can lead to adjusting and modifying expectations that are realistic, meaningful and effective to all members of the family.